Her Pandora’s Box

Dear sugarplum fairy,

My favourite verse from the holy book, to share. God, is the divine artist and my favourite poet.

"By the Sky and the Night-Visitant (therein);
And what will explain to thee what the Night-Visitant is?
It is the Star of piercing brightness;
There is no soul but has a protector over it."

Quran 86:1-4

I invoke thee.

Dear sugarplum fairy,

"Oh please let me speak with you, Vera Star. And if you disallow it, please say it to me. The sound of your voice will ease the faintest fraction of this new and alien hungry curiosity. The every fibre of my being has made you focal under my helplessly vicious scrutiny. I cannot live in captive like this! Unintentionally, you have captured me and i surrender. Please, can we be friends?"

Vera Star; Maria

(Just an excerpt of a short story i’m working on. This is Charlie Mudnik playing romeo as he rehearses his first hello with Star.)

Dear sugarplum fairy,

Busy, busy, busy! I have been out and about for the past week or so, being here, there and everywhere! I love it.

But on Saturday, i started to feel like my throat was swelling and as though i had tissue papers thrusted into it and then clogged. I knew too well, i was going to be ill. I was right.

So today, i am groggy. I woke up and was knocked out of my stupor by how heavy my already aching body felt. I stayed in bed almost all afternoon, lifeless, sulking and hidden under covers. I boiled a pot of barleys and made some warm honey-lemon for the sore and throbbing throat. I love organic medication.

Khai, is nagging for me to see the doctor. He too, has Tonsilitis and is persuading for me to get antibiotics. Khai is easily anybody’s greatest friend, except he is mine. I love Khai, don’t we all?

Salina,
I wish you knew the happy news. How unfortunate, you’ll not be there. Though you’re never aroud, you’re never too far either, you’re right here, nestling in me. I love you and i miss you, everyday. Sometimes, i would secretly pretend that you are sitting with us and right next to me. No, its still not okay, it never has been. Nonetheless, I hope you’ve been well because i’ve been incomplete, my youth is retarded. I love you, my forever beautiful girlfriend. No one can take your place.

Dear sugarplum fairy,

Last weekend unfolded nicely and without a crease. I had the loveliest weekend i haven’t had in a long time.

I must especially mention Baybeats. Baybeats this year (note-i attended solely Saturday), has evidently received an overwhelming response and an influx in the numbers of people supporting their favourite local or international bands. Yasin and i, were both undescribably psyched and anxious when we first heard our favourite swedish band: Blindside, will be here performing. I thought i alerted the entire living galaxy. And so i am fabricating with earnest exaggeration.

Blindside’s set was of course, the most celebrated and of overwhelming energy from not only the crowd but also the band. I was drenched in sweat and satisfaction. My throat went dramatically sore from all the screaming/singing. I am not ashamed to admit that i woke up with a sore neck and bruises on my knees, my back, along my rib line and my shoulders. You are not privileged to complain when you’ve just had an excellent time. The crowd present were a mature bunch of happy people who moshed and had fun with great cooperation and care for each other. Whether in or outside the pit. To further prove the point, my friend Vel, posted a myspace bulletin that said:

Sunday juxtaposed it all but i was so gleeful and relaxed. I confined myself home that Sunday and spent a fraction of my afternoon just talking to my folks for hours and decided some time later that i was going to cook dinner for the family.

I made seafood & cheese pasta and marinated two birds of chicken with herbs (ultimately parsley and oregano but i also added paprika, pepper and salt) and then threw it, along with skinned potatoes into the oven to bake. Yasin came by and hung out with dad in the living room, its so natural between those two. Jitters! Dinner was served fresh from the oven and we ate on groaning, empty stomachs. And i’m thinking, hey, i’m not a bad cook afterall. Bon appetit!

Dear sugarplum fairy,

This afternoon (note-not morning), I woke up with a blizzard in my head and an ebbing pain stabbed in my heart, i feel heavy and wounded. But i also breathe better and i am slowly taking flight. I vow to start over, as a person, a daughter, a sister, a lover, a friend, a student, an artist and a woman. By the end of this typical and painful other episode in my life, i will be born again.

My teacher once said to me and the many dance students in our colourful array of leotards, "In life, we are only given one chance. If you are lucky, you’ll get another."

And some days back, my father, god bless his beautiful soul, told me that life, is only two components: time and God. Life is time and a lifetime, is unpredictable. No? Everyday, is god’s gift. You had a crappy day and you fell, but you had a day and you are blessed nonetheless. Get up, deny the pain, brush off the dirt and keep walking. Time will not wait. Life, will have to go on anyway.

A clock ticks seconds, then minutes, hours and then days. When it is spoilt, it stops. But it never moves backwards. When you offer a chance for you to explain yourself and is declined, you do not brood about it, there is no time to waste. You have much to say but you let it go and keep moving forward. Because ahead, there are much more to conquer, more important things to do, more mistakes to make and learn from.

When you are offered a chance, on the other hand, you pounce on it, grab it and make it yours. Take your time and it will go away. If you’ve screwed it up, pray for another or better yet, keep moving till the next one comes. Get left behind, get lost forever.

Nini is as deep as the bronze of her skin and she is as wise as she is unique. She shared with me an anonymous quote.

"If i could turn back time, i’d make more mistakes."

Mistakes are not roads with a dead end. And regret, is a wasteful emotion. Dispose it.

Last night, a complex discovery was made followed by a sudden burst of quiet chaos. But when neutralized, new discoveries were uncovered. Sally, for as much as she has been distant, has come back to be seated next to me and to coax me. Love is love, it never changes. Sally loves me and i realised, how much i love her back. My friends, has decided that this August, we should start over. This is the prize for chewing the bitterness of it all. God teaches me harshly for i am too stubborn but he who is merciful, loves me afterall.

I was given one chance to make it right. I failed. I was not allowed a chance to be heard but it is not a matter to me. I move forward and i let go. So today, i am better. Tomorrow, if i am blessed, will be another day. The war is not over but i promise at the end of it, i walk out with my head high and a winning medal.

Then, i will keep walking.