Her Pandora’s Box

Dear sugarplum fairy,

This must’ve been love at first sight, I knew i fell in love with the right guy.

The beach dude sure has some enthusiasm.

Tropical or Exotic? Let’s figure.

Dear sugarplum fairy,

[Sequel of previous entry. Therefore read previous entry and then this one as follow. Men be warned. Too chic a content.]

Me: Do i look owkay? I feel too messy today.

Sally: You look fine, Maria. Like normal. (here it comes:) Like the normal You these days.

Me: The fuck! Whats that spose to mean?!

LATER..

Me: Rabbit, am i messy today?

The BF: Yes but i don’t care.

Me: Macam perempuan gile kan? (laughing like a moron)

The BF: (laughs hard and then it comes:) So? I don’t mind la!

Thought to self: So does not mean No, it means Yes but it doesn’t bother you. Or maybe you’re trying. Owkay, now i’m being anal. Hmm..

Still, i’m happy. I can be whoever i want, whatever i want and the best part is: whenever i want. In short, i’m dominant.

No, i’m not a BITCH or B.I.T.C.H or The bitch or other forms of stinging feminist statement (that actually screams L.O.S.E.R). Like hello! The cliche is just so 1999. Lets not push it, shall we?

I’m just contented. And morale of story?

Do whatever it takes to be happy. Even if it means looking like a human tragedy or having 5 servings of nasi lemak for buka. And practice it all the way till you start feeling anal and insecure about yourself. Like you need to get out of it and help yourself. Then stop and help yourself. Only then it becomes a two way road. A win-win situation, making the best out of everything. Girls like that, are never insecured. Because they don’t need to be sandwiched between afew men to feel good about themselves, or replicate the girls who tell the entire living galaxy why they’re better than you. Just because: They’re insecured.

Thats all that there is.

And because i’m already anal, i’ll start and work it. Join me?

-chic tales end here-

Dear sugarplum fairy,

"Sometimes life can be like a bad movie. You sit through it, hoping it will get better, suspecting that it won’t and wondering at what point you can reasonably walk out.."

-Bella Pollen; Daydream Girl

And the bergdorf blondes go, "Totally!".

As i sat in my typical required degree of solitude just thinking about life as a bad movie, a fraction of me kept chanting: reductio ad absurdum (meaning: reduction to absurdity) while the third was singing Everyday Is Like Sunday by Morissey.

I was pretty amused by me today. I looked into the mirror and couldn’t help but to chuckle at myself. My fringe fell diagonally down my face touching the tip of my nose giving it a slight itch, my lips were dry, peeling and dehydrating (practically calling out for help), the back of my tank top was folded up a little (probably accidental whilst getting off the swivel chair) revealing the contrasting turqouise of my leotard underneath it thus, making obvious the curves of my bite-size lovehandles and finally my toenails were just glaring at me of my negligence and it means business: get your ass down for a pedicure lazy bum! I can’t help it. I just can’t seem to be bothered! Oh and of late, apart from the unkempt outlook, everything else has gone down with it.

Which reminds me..

Some years ago, when my relationship with my handsome half-chinese half-burmese ex-boyfriend ended, i was right here where i am. Unkempt, under-dressed and undriven on the pretext of being comfortable with life and that being this way meant an untainted confidence and being free from two of the most deadliest chic sins: insecurity and superficial-ism. But it made no sense. Ha!

I just couldn’t be bothered. I needed no one to look at me, i felt happy just being messy and my alter ego was on a long vacation. And the only solution to bring myself back and proper is of course, the traditional hard smack on the face. And THAT blow woke me up TODAY and like this:

TO BE CONTINUED..

Dear sugarplum fairy,

Somedays, when you start your day feeling lousy, you just might find it sail more smoothly that you’d imagine it to be. Even better, great fun.

Sally’s birthday was good fun after what seems to be forever. The entire gang was almost in full force mode. Except Nina wasn’t there, she couldn’t make it.

We kept it simple for a task almost so impossible these days. To top it all, last minute. We got everyone together, met up for the traditional cut-the-cake session in town and headed down to Newton for seafood.

I miss those, miss those, miss those.

Happy Birthday Sally, all that’s obvious is temporary. What’s real is yet to come. So just stay close by..

Dear sugarplum fairy,

The classmates and i got trashed in class today. We were drenched in sweat, panting hard, dehydrating and exhausted.

To add to that, i had veggie for lunch. AND on Thursdays, school ends at 7.30pm.

My teacher thinks i’ve gained weight and that i should better hurry up and lose it. Great, just great.

i love life.

Dear sugarplum fairy,

For as much as i appreciate photography, i’ve never felt that i was anyhow cut out for it. I promise you, i don’t have the inbred facilities of other people who does mind-blowing works with the camera. But my silent curiousity peers out once in awhile and nudges me to go forward to try and fiddle with bullshit for the good fun of it. And most times, i never let my sickeningly overwhelming curiousity down.

So. I was browsing through some of my absolutely unprofessional and ‘a-little-too-ambitious’ pictures and found this one. Random. Its no biggie but it sure is my personal favourite. For as much as i know i suck, i like it. So?

Dear sugarplum fairy,

My Friday noon is closing into the evening and i am wishing the week’ll start all over again.

Ah, it is your short, big break: Maria. The college has given us all a week’s break. A breather, more of. I am so so grateful.

Welcome back. Have a seat, relax and belt yourself tight. Its a hell of a rollercoaster.

Lets get you updated, yes?

1. God bless, my results are awesome.
2. Samantha’s got her new tattoo and i witnessed her wanting to puke in the midst of it.
3. I’ve applied to be a ballet teacher for the baby ballerinas.
4. I have been exhausted and under such intense stress, it makes me hungry. Fuck.
5. Yasin has been very busy with school and its projects; time together has morphed to be overly minimal and i constantly miss him.
6. I have fallen in love with Ryuichi Sakamoto’s music.
7. Samantha is flying back home on Sunday. Fuck.
8. The kids had a concert last Sunday called ‘Dancing In Wonderland’. It was adorable!
9. Sally’s dating an australian, Nina has a new job, Nini’s got cute ‘Corrine Bailey Rae’ hair now (and its black), Faezah’s hyper-extended.
10. Lukas Rossi of Rockstar Supernova won. Hell yea!

Late last night, i was callow and hurting and i told Yas how we’ve been so distant and how school has kept us on two ends of a line. How i understood the picture yet missed him so bad..

And then he tells me:

I’m so sorry. I know i’ve been too caught up with school. But i’m doing this for us. Its essential for me, so to build a life and family with you someday..

It is him and his calibre that keeps me coming back for more.